That Stupid Four Letter Word
by ShadowKissedDreamer
Summary: "Draco, go tap that. And for once I'm agreeing with my wife." "It's Hermione, you guys! Do you know my nose is still messed up from when she punched me in our third year?" "Be lucky I didn't Avada Kedavra you right then and there."
1. XX

_**This will be replacing The Forest Holds Secrets! I'll gradually update the 1st, then 2nd chapter, and so on. Oh, does anyone think they can guess the 4 letter word? Betcha**** can't! The story will be in 3rd person, though, I will put HPOV, and so on, to show who the story is focusing on at the moment.  
**_

_**Hermione.  
**_

It had been about five years after her seventh year at Hogwarts, and twenty-two year old Hermione Granger was on her way to work. She had worked at the Leaky Caludron straight out of Hogwarts, still not knowing what to do with her life. She had dressed in a pair of jean and a long sleeved green shirt, standing in from of her fireplace. She threw the Floo powder into the fireplace and stepped into the emerald flames.

"Diagon Alley!" She yelled. She stumbled out into the busy walkway and wrapped her coat around her tighter. It was freezing! It was a week before Christmas, and she had yet to buy presents for her friends and family. She sighed, and stepped into the Leaky Cauldron, writing a list of people in her head. _Harry, Ginny, Fred, Ron, Luna, George, Angelina, Percy, Charlie, and Bill. Then the kids. Then the parents. Bloody hell. _She thought. She waved to a few of her co-workers and walked into the back area of the restaurant. She put her apron on, grabbed an apron and set out to work.

It hadn't even been an hour when her day took a sudden turn.

"'Mione, check out the hottie in your section!" Her friend, Ellie, squealed. Hermione turned to see a tall, blonde man sit, his back facing her. Ellie giggled and pushed her. "If you don't go, I will." She teased. Hermione shook her head and walked over to he table, seeing the blonde, a brunette and someone with black hair.

"Welcome to the Leaky Cauldron. Can I get you anything?" She asked. She picked her head up to see the most astonishing sight. Sitting with Pansy Parkinson, and Gregory Goyle, was Draco Malfoy himself. It had been almost three years since she'd last seen him.

_**Draco**_

"Where'd your hair go, Hermione!" He exclaimed. He couldn't believe he'd just said that, but he couldn't believe _her _either. Her hair was cut short, and it wasn't bushy. Hermione just laughed and shook her head.

"When did you two come on a first name basis?" Pansy teased. Draco chuckled, and shook his head. "Ever since I'd attended the Weasley wedding." He said. Hermione nodded, then put a hand on her hip.

"I assume you guys want something, right?" She questioned. Goyle laughed, placing in their order.

"Three butterbeers, a bacon sandwich, roast chicken and..." He trailed off, looking at Draco.

"...chocolate gateau." Draco finished, grinning. Hermione nodded, and left the table. Pansy giggled and looked at her friend. "What is it, Pansy?" He asked, teasingly.

"Go for it!" She all but screamed. Draco laughed and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. Then she gasped. "Did you see her hair! It's so short!" She exclaimed, exactly as Draco did.

"Didn't I just say that?" He asked, as Hermione came back. He sat down the drinks on the table, and had a plate on her head, the gateau in one hand and a sandwich in the other. She sat them down, then took Pansy's chicken off of her head.

"I cut my hair because I never would have been able to do that with bushy hair." She said with a grin. Draco shook his head, as Hermone laughed. Pansy raised a brow, and Hermione did as well.

"Is that what I think it is?" She questioned, and Hermione's hand flew to her ear. "_No._" She said.

"That's a tattoo! What does it say?" She questioned. Hermione sighed, dropping her hand, then she stretches her earlobe down, so you could see the words on the inside of her ear that said змей in emerald green. Pansy raised her brow, and smiled. "What does that mean, and where are the other two?" She asked. Hermione sighed and lifted the sleeve of her right arm.

"I'm not telling you what it means. This one says XX, roman numerals for 20. I can show you the other when I get off. My flat, around five?" She asked. They all nodded and she walked away.

"Draco, go tap that. And for once I'm agreeing with my wife." Goyle said with a grin. Pansy pushed him, but smiled nonetheless.

"It's Hermione, you guys. Do you know my nose is still messed up from when she punched me in our third year?" He questioned. He would have loved to date Hermione, but they'd have to be friends, first.

"Be lucky I didn't Avada Kedavra you right then and there." Hermione whispered in his ear. He turned, and saw she was taking her apron off and waving to a blond woman.

"G'bye Hannah! Best wishes to Jake. I'll owl you soon." She called and then turned to their table. "If you're late, I'm taking the flat off of the network. Just floo to the 'Granger Flat'. My parents have a house, and my brother is 'The Granger Household'.." She muttered, shaking her head. "Just floo to the right place!" She said, walking over to the fireplace.

"Granger flat!" She yelled, disappearing in a matter of seconds. It looked like he would be visiting Hermione's place.


	2. Your Eggs Are Burning, Darling

_**Sorry the first chapter was short. I'm gonna add this chapter, and hopefully the new BOTD chapter up at the same time. I promise this will be longer than 900 words. Also, I HATE doing third person, so I'm gonna do 1st person in this one. Tell me which View you like best! -_-**_

**Draco**

"Parkinson, if you squeal one more time, I'll kill you!" I yelled playfully. We had flooed into Hermione's flat, but she was nowhere to be found. Pansy went in the back to look for her, and squealed at every room she found. She came back with Hermione, who was wearing a pair of cutoffs and a tank top, and was holding a baby dalmatian.

"Okay, okay, go." She muttered, placing the puppy on the ground, and it hobbled over to Goyle and I. I raised a brow at Hermione. "His name is Peeves." She said with a grin. Pansy laughed and nodded.

"Bet he reminds you of that old poltergeist, doesn't he?" She question. Hermione nodded back, then clapped her hands.

"I believe you guys came over for a tattoo viewing, am I correct?" She asked. Pansy squealed again, and even Peeves cringed. Hermione rolled her eyes and began pulling her waistband down. I furrowed my brow, then calmed when I saw the word 'Slytherin' on her hip in delicate script. I gasped and clapped my hands, and showed the inside of my wrist, showing off a Deathly Hallows tattoo. Hermione chuckled, nodding.

"I'm pretty sure it was like a year ago, but your sister made us get these if we didn't do a dare. I chickened out, which was why you got one too." She said, smiling. I nodded, now understanding.

"What did we have to-," "No! That is a matter we will discuss later!" Hermione interrupted me violently. Her eyes were wide, and it was a bit funny. I nodded and waved his hands. "Okay, okay, no more until later. Fine." I said, zipping my lips. She clapped, then stood.

"Who wants dinner?" She questioned. Everyone raised there hands. She left and walked into the kitchen, leaving us three slytherins to discuss.

"Ha! You're a lion!" Pansy yelled. I rolled my eyes. "I would call you a pansy, but you're a girl." I said. She stuck her tongue out. Goyle just grinned at us. "No wonder everyone thinks you guys are brother and sister." He said.

"We are!" We said at the same time. We weren't blood related, but Pansy was a sister to me.

Hermione walked in to see me pinned to the floor, with Pansy and Goyle sitting on my back.

"I have bacon!" Crowed Hermione. Goyle and Pansy jumped up, while I just flicked my wand and levitated the plate to myself. I grinned happily, waving it above the heads of the other Slytherins.

"Give it! Give it!" Yelled Pansy. Hermione laughed, shaking her head. She whispered something, and the plate zoomed back to her.

"Now now, Draco. Wouldn't Cissy be disappointing?" She said. After the war, the Malfoys had made nice with everyone, but Lucius still refused to call Hermione by her name.

"No. Because I did the same thing to her house elf yesterday." I said with a grin. Then I pouted. "Peoni almost killed me.." She rolled her eyes, setting the plate on the coffee table, walking to the kitchen. "I declare that we are eating breakfast for dinner." She said, smiling.

_Pop! _Hermione turned, and moved out of the way just in time to see Albus, James, Lily, Henry and Victorie appear. "She could be- James Sirius Potter! I could Avada Kedavra you on this spot!" Victorie yelled.

"Do it! Do it!" Urged Lily. She was only ten, but she could be _evil._ Victorie sighed, putting her head in her hands. "Lillian." She sighed.

"My name is Lily! Was my grandmother's name Lillian? No!" Lily pouted, crossing her arms and stomping her foot. Hermione snapped, then chuckled.

"I'm supposed to babysit these devils tonight, amiright, Vic?" She asked Victorie. The woman nodded, and she looked up, raising a brow.

"Where'd Henry go?" She asked. I had forgotten that the child was Victorie's. I grinned and pointed to one of the adjoining rooms, where you could see him staring at a picture frame, changing his hair colour to all kinds of shades.

"He's got a picture of his dad. You know the picture moves, and at the moment, he was showing Lil how he could change his hair." She said, walking over, picking Henry up and showing us the picture.

_**Hermione**_

"Oh, okay." Sighed Draco. I nodded, turning to my goddaughter. "So what should we do with these here, eh?" I asked her.

"Go throw them off the balcony." Lily muttered, still grumpy about being called Lillian. I smiled and ruffled her hair, turning to the two boys.

"Did you guys not bring anything to entertain yourselves?" I questioned, getting up and walking over to the closet in the living room. They shook their heads and I grinned.

"What've you got in there, Aunt Hermione?" James questioned. I might not be related to him, but I was a close friend, so I got the tile of aunt.

"Well, let's just say your uncle keeps this room well stocked." I said, throwing the door open, and letting the boys see the inside.

"Bloody hell!" "James!" "Sorry, Vic. But still! She's got candy, like three sets of wizard chess, exploding snap-," "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!" Albus then yelled. The door extended to a secret room under the joke shop. I grinned as the three children went to explore it.

"Damn! Why can't I have an aunt like you?" Draco grumbled. I chuckled, turning to Victorie, who was trying to get Henry's hands out of Pansy's hair.

"Draco, you slimy git! Help me!" She yelled.

"Slimy git!" Henry called happily, clapping his hands, making Pansy's hair worse.

"Accio rattle." I called, and Henry's rattle flew to me. I shook it and he squealed, automatically drawn to it. It was enchanted, so the noise mesmerized him.

"GAH!" I heard someone yell from the closet. I turned to see James and Albus with tongues growing longer by the second. Lily came out cackling.

"That's what you get!" She called. She grinned, and started humming. "Auntie? You _do _have a telly, right?" She asked. I laughed and pointed at the huge plasma in the middle of the room. "Oh. Good." She reached into her purse, and pulled out an Xbox. "I don't even have one of those!" Whined Draco. She stuck her tongue out at him, hooked the thing to the television, and began watching Netflix. I guess she was used to Muggle habits since Harry was.

"What the hell are you watching?" Draco hissed. I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Black Butler. Some anime rubbish she's found." I said. Draco chuckled, then sniffed, with a gasp.

"Your eggs are burning, darling." He commented, pointing an index finger to the kitchen. There was smoke pouring out of the kitchen, and I yelled and ran into the kitchen, only to be stopped by the fire running around. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and was about to turn around, only to hear yipping from the edge of the room. I gasped, seeing Peeves through the smoke.

"Hermione, get out of here!" Draco yelled at me as I began walking into the flames. I turned to him, setting my jaw.

"No. Not when the most important thing to me could die. Get the kids out. NOW!" I said, grabbing my wand.

"Aguamenti!" I yelled, beginning to walk through the columns of fire. I dropped to the ground, feeling my way around. I followed the sound of Peeves' barking, and sighed with relief when I got to him. He walked over to me and made my wand fly out of my hand. I sighed, as the flames closed around us again.

_Shit._

* * *

Boom goes the dynamite! Good, right? About 1,000 words, amiright? I'm gonna be even awesomer, and continue the chapter. -Grin- I know, I know, love me, love me. Also! I may change my User to either XynnPhantomhive or just Perry, Line or Aura. Tell me what you think!

* * *

_**Draco**_

I sighed, watching her dissapear into the fire. The kids looked horror struck, and I grounded them up. I muttered something to James and Albus, and their tongues returned to normal. Lily packed up her game and Victorie grabbed Henry. Pansy and Greg stayed behind.

"We'll see that she gets out okay, mate." Greg said. I shook my head and pointed to the children. "Get them out. Now!" I said, repeating Hermione's words. Then I pointed to myself.

"I'll get her out." I said. I flicked my wand to the kitchen and began sedating the flames. I could hear the sirens outside. I walked forward, listening for Hermione.

"Draco? Vic?" She called. I turned, accidentally spraying her with water. She giggled a bit and then looked down, but then I realised she was about to fall. I caught her before she fell, and I sat us both on the ground. I coughed and looked down, seeing Hermione passed out. Let's just hope they got here in time.


	3. Bedpans and Catastrophes

**_I thought we could all use a laugh, I know I do._**

**_"Shove off, Malfoy!"  
_**

**_"No, You Shove Off, Potter!"  
_**

**_"If I Wanted My Comeback, I Wouldn't Wiped It Off Your Mum's Chin!"  
_**

**_Such a sick joke...  
_**

**_ 9gag gag / 5152075 (Put a period between the 9gag and gag.)  
_**

_**Hermione**_

I woke up to an annoying and steady beep. I opened my eyes to see round rimmed glasses staring back down at me. I was a bit confused at first, then realised what had happened. Oh my god. The kids. Peeves. Draco! I sat up, refusing the pain radiating from my body. My head whipped around everywhere, and Harry raised a brow. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Harry chuckled and lifted the Silencio charm.

"Where are they? Them! Where?" I blubbered. Harry pointed across the room so I could see Lily and Henry in beds next to each other. "If you're looking for Peeves and Draco, they're farther down the room." He finished aloud. I moved to get up, but saw a wheelchair instead.

"Accio." I muttered, and it floated next to the bed. I crawled into it and used Wingardium Leviosa to wheel me farther down the room. Turns out the two were in a recreation area. Then I realised I was in St. Mungo's. I sighed and wheeled next to Draco. He looked at me and winced. "You can't cook, you know that?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I opened my eyes to see Peeves' tongue attack my nose. I giggled and picked my puppy up, holding him to my chest and hugging him.

"But seriously, why'd you run back in for him?" Draco asked, suddenly serious. I hated talking about this, but I had to explain it to him. I looked at him, curiosity etched into his expression.

"Right before Voldemort..killed my parents, they gave me Peeves. He's the only thing I really have left of them, because Voldemort burned their house down as well. And all for some stupid information." I said quickly, not wanting to get in-depth of the memory I was sent, to see the torturing sessions and killings for myself. I shook my head, trying to rid my brain of the thoughts. Draco himself looked shell-shocked, though. "Plus, he's a dog. Dogs are important." I added, nodding, trying to break the awkward moment. Draco chuckled, his face becoming playful again.

"Dad! Where are they!" I heard Lily yell like her life depended on it. We turned to see Lily, her red hair matted as she looked at Henry with a blood drained face. Then I raised a brow.

"Harry? Where's Victorie?" I asked. He just grinned, rolling his eyes. "She works here. What do you expect?" He asked, shrugging. I chuckled, nodding. Draco shrieked, holding Peeves out, the dog happily peeing on the floor. I snorted, grabbing a bedpan and sitting Peeves in it, as Draco looked traumatized. I giggled, patting his head. A noise came from the doorway, and a rush of the Weasley-Potter filed in, fussing over Harry, Lily and Henry. In the back, I saw Pansy and Goyle walking in stealthily and making their way to she and Draco. Pansy smiled and gave each of them a light hug, holding a pair of grey clothes.

"Here, Gryffindor. I thought you'd want to change out of the gown and into actual clothes." Pansy said with a laugh. Hermione nodded, and took the clothes, wheeling into the bathroom. Turns out, it was a pair of blue jogging pants, a tank top and some Uggs. I made a mental note to thank Pansy as I made my way out, passing Draco, who was going in.

"Huh! You _do _look good in Draco's clothes!" Goyle exclaimed, earning a slap on the head from his wife. My brows raised, and Pansy explained that they had mixed the clothes up, because they had found male and female clothes in what was left of my flat, because I had some of Harry's and Louis' (my brother) clothes. Draco came out, and looked over my outfit, then his, then raised a brow. "Okay. Who's clothes am I wearing?" He asked.

"Louis'." "Who the bloody hell is LOUIS!" That last one came from Ron, who seemed to just notice that I was here. He sneered at Draco, immediately pulling his wand out, as if about to strike him. Draco snorted, then raised a brow at Ron. "Nice to see you too, Ronald. How's the wife?" He asked. Ron must have thought he was pulling his leg, because before knew it, I was running towards to shot that Ron had fired.

**_Draco_**

"How's the wife?" I has asked, right before Ron yelled something and cast a spell at me. Hermione was out of her wheelchair in a flash, as I stood there in confusion. She pushed me to the side, her shoulder catching the spell before falling on me, her legs seeming to buckle under the pressure of standing. She turned her head to Ron, about to yell at him.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? THE ONLY THING HE DID WAS ASK YOU HOW LUNA WAS! Why do you always assume people don't change their ways?" She had whispered the last part, but I heard it. She then raised her brow, looking at her side. "You can Immobulus? Any one of us could have blocked that within the second you cast it, if there weren't so many of us." She muttered, jerking his wand out of his hand and waving the wand over the immobile half of her body, I presumed.

"Well..it..well.." Ron stuttered, before Ginny and Harry grabbed each of his arms and dragged him out of the room, the duo yelling at their brother. Everyone else seemed to snap, and they began moving about the room. Looking now, I could see it was really only Harry and Ron's families, and not the rest. So only Harry, Ginny, Albus, James, and Lilly in Harry's, and Ron, Luna, Hugo and Rosie in Ron's, if I had remembered right. The children, including Lily and Henry, I began to remember something

"Granger? Where are your godchildren?" I asked, wondering where Albus and James had disappeared to after the fire. Lily answered that question for me. "They were in the joke shop when the fire started. How they didn't notice was beyond me." She said, shrugging lightly.

"Because I closed the portal off. I didn't want them coming _back _and getting lost when we were gone." Hermione said, trying to stand up. I stood, and helped her back into her wheelchair. She chuckled, shaking her head. "I didn't need help. I just didn't want to walk. And I only fell because I couldn't move my other foot.." She muttered darkly, glaring at the door.

"So..." Hugo, Ron's son, said awkwardly. "What happened?" He asked. I guess they didn't get the full details from Lily or Hermione. I grinned, as Hermione blushed furiously, her face hidden in a pillow.

"She burned the eggs." I said simply, causing everyone to laugh. Hermione took her pillow, walking and standing next to me, and in a flash, bound me and held the bedpan her dog peed in earlier.

"You wouldn't dare!" "Try me, Lucius." She threatened, calling me by my middle name. Just then, said man and Narcissa strode in like they owned the place. "What in the name of Salazar are you doing to my son?" My father almost whined, holding his wand out like Ron did. She turned to him, and mimicked his walk, stabbing a finger into his chest and hissing something under her breath, making my father go pale, and Narcissa slowly back away. Wow. If 'Mione was angry enough to scare my folks, she was pretty pissed. She nodded, walking back over to me and throwing the dog waste in my hair, and unbound me, quickly running into the bathroom. My eyes widened as I realised what happened. I flew up, running to the bathroom, trying to open the door, to find it locked. I muttered a spell, and opened it, to find it empty. I heard a cackle as Ron's wand was taken from my hands and the door shut. The last thing I saw was Hermione's grinning face.

**I thought this chapter should end on a good note. And don't ask me why I flame Ron. I CAN'T STAND HIM! The thought of him being with Hermione is infuriating! Anyways, 'Mione and Draco's outfits are on my profile. I was bored, so I made one. Off to update other stories!**

**P.S, to anyone who reads VA and HP, thank's for the Violet Eyes reviews! It makes me so happy to see people actually like it!**


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